Mum! The End Came Sooner Than I thought

Chinyere Nkem Omekara

A full bladder awakened me
I sighed to myself
Had trouble sleeping the night before
I had a dream, I have had one, every day this week
But the details always elude me
I scampered to the bathroom
did not flick on the hallway light
As I felt my way to the bathroom
I sat on the porcelain throne
And mind wandered to you
Titbits of your recent health challenges
And our strained relationship 
I sighed again
easing myself back to the present, 
Wishing those thoughts away
Climbing back into bed, 
hoping to finish the rest of my  sleep
It's Saturday morning, I remind myself
Although I have to be at work,
A little more sleep would be nice
After all, it's a weekend
and the traffic into the city will be light
I tried to ignore the flashing red light 
on my cell phone
Sitting solitarily on the nightstand
I failed..........
There was a message
A missive impatiently
Waiting to be read

Four words that now haunt me
"They said mum died"
I stared at it, as my body went into shock
I stared harder, willing it to go away
But it didn't
It's not a joke
It's real
The message was from my brother
The one with whom only yesterday, I chatted about "happiness being a choice"
On Monday you were admitted to UPTH
The doctors were yet to make a definitive diagnosis
A battery of tests was run and more  scheduled
I feared the worst
I advised them to check the efficiency
of your pancreas, your liver
No, I am not a medical doctor
Just an eye doctor who reads too much
and thinks too much
Sometimes a cocky bitch! 
Nah! it's not a joke
I had told my brother
Yes, that brother who sent the message
When doctors are having a hard time making a diagnosis
You prepare for the worst
But still, I hoped
I prayed
I sent you good thoughts
I told myself
Worst case scenario, the doctors will say
You had 6 months to live or a year
But mum, not this soon
Not today!
I always thought
you would live longer 
You were laid back
"Easy does it" was your middle name
66! you only turned 66 in June
I believed you had more years lined up
Mum, not this soon
Not Today!
Too many unspoken words between us
So much left unsaid
How does a daughter say goodbye
to a mother, she was yet to hug and say "I love you"
In my way, in your way, in our way
Too many unspoken words
Too much time lost
Mother, can you hear me?
I loved you, I love you!