THE JOYS IN A FALL

 Chichén Itzá, Mexico, May 2022

 Yesterday, I fell down, smack on the side of the road. 

What was I doing, you ask, I was just walking, I had managed to hike up a hill and was mighty pleased with myself. I was smug for a nanosecond and started to daydream. Then, booyah! I was splayed on the side of the road. I wish a camera had captured the fall. In my defense, the road was wet and there was a slippery patch.

The first thing I did, was laugh. It's therapeutic to laugh at oneself. Then, I got my fat ass off the ground in time not to be run over by some reckless motorist. But they were all kind, stopping to ask if I was alright. I nodded with a smile. This is the Caribbean, and folks are warm and friendly. Life is pole, pole (slowly slowly) like we say in Swahili.

It reminded me of a day in December 2021, when I fell smack on a street in Puebla, Mexico. Again, I was lost in a daydream, and thud! I fell on my face, that time. I gathered what was left of my dignity off the ground and chuckled. What was I thinking about? I was wondering, why my happiest times, are when I travel. When I am in a strange country. In foreign lands where no one knows me.

A light bulb flashed in my head. It was a eureka moment, that I will always cherish despite kissing the ground so hard. In strange lands, no one has any expectations of me. No family, relatives, or friends. No one knows me. I'm just another human journeying these paths.

Then a clearer picture emerged.  I realized it all comes down to the baggage of being an "Ada"— the title of sacrifice. I have held all of my life. A title of being responsible for everyone, and conditioned to be in constant selflessness mode.

You see the title ascribed to a first daughter, in my Igbo culture, is a title of expectations from the family, kin, kith, and clan. That's a whole lot and can become a burden. Especially if you come from a large family like mine. It's a title that comes with a script for your life. It has been a baggage I've struggled with since I was ten and cooked my first meal and had to care for my siblings and everyone. physically, emotionally and eventually financially when I graduated college.

 And ever since I was able to, I've tried to shed some of it. Living abroad is the best decision of my life. Some embrace the title in all its glorious/inglorious entitlement. Others like me do not want it. I've made my fair share of self-sacrifice for the clan, but want to be my authentic self, without cultural expectations. Or beholden to anyone.

 My therapist says it has impacted my personal life. It's probably why I always run away from traditional commitments with men. Because I feel I have to be responsible for them and everyone in their lives too. It gets tiresome.

But, whatever the case, I enjoy going to foreign lands where no one knows me or expects anything from me, except human kindness in our shared humanity.

So, next time you trip and fall, Laugh at the slip, there is joy in falling. And you are not alone.

"The Monument to the Fatherland, Merida, Mexico