I first came across the word "Swirling" as referring to inter-racial relationships in the movie "Something New" 2006
I was thoroughly amused, having been raised on the African continent, I had to learn a new culture/dynamics as concerns dating when I moved West of the Atlantic.
Things that matter so much here when choosing a partner were nonissues back home (well for the most part).
Then I found out, there is a whole book written about "Swirling" on Amazon titled
Swirling: How to Date, Mate, and Relate Mixing Race, Culture, and Creed by Christelyn D. Karazin, Janice Rhoshalle Littlejohn
Frankly, I am yet to read the book, but have penned it down, as another book to read. Apparently, there seems to be a whole piece of literature out there on the subject like A Black Girls Guide to Dating White Men By Niki McElroy, Don't Bring Home a White Boy: And Other Notions that Keep Black Women From Dating Out by Karyn Longhorn Folan.
Having dated and almost married one myself, the only literature, I had needed was written in my heart. That I did not go dancing down the aisle had nothing to do with color, but what I wanted at the time.
I guess given the history between Europe and Africa, or Black and White as some would call it. Dating a Caucasian (white person) can be a big deal. I would be the first to admit that dating outside one's CULTURE can be a slippery slope, note the emphasis on culture rather than race. However, it can be done and can be successful. There is really just one race, the Human race. Every Black person has their origin in Africa. As a matter of fact, everyone has their origin in Africa, so say the anthropologists.
Soured relations between Black and White with the abusive treatment of Africans during the Trans Atlantic slave trade, has created totally new dynamics in human relations and I often wonder if this relationship can ever be repaired.
So as a Black woman, you may receive more hostility from men of your race, when you choose to date a Caucasian than perhaps, a Hispanic, Asian, and others.
There is more hostility from men when women date outside their race. Some have called it "Sleeping with the enemy" but when it is the men dating a white woman, it is like "conquering the enemy" A double standard no doubt.
History gives an insight that the honor of a race is bestowed on the woman. A herculean burden non is less. Let me digress a little because there are elements of this in many religions, Islam, Hinduism, and African religions.
We have read one too many times about a girl or woman killed to uphold the honor of her family by Muslim or Hindu male relatives, an extreme expression of this we all must agree. Below is an excerpt from the book"NOMAD" by Ayaan Hirsi Ali.
Reading this gave me an insight into the minds of the male as regards honor in some cultures and religions.
"Long ago in the desert, the nomads in clan societies bound themselves together by family ties, through old lineages that gave them protection and assistance across great distances. Outside the clan lineage lay danger and chaos, every man for himself. In a clan society, every kind of human relationship turns on your honor within the clan: outside it, there is nothing- you are excluded from any kind of meaningful existence.
This was the most precious lesson that Grandma tried to teach her grandchildren. A man's honor within a clan society and these societies are, largely, about men- resides in his authority. Men must be warriors; shame consists in being seen as weak. Women are the breeders of men and women's honor lies in their purity, their submission, their obedience.
Their shame is to be sexually impure, and it is the worst shame of all, because woman's sexual disobedience defiles herself, her sisters and her mother, as well as the male relatives whose duty it is to control her.
No muslim man has any standing in society if he does not have honor. and no matter how much honor he builds up through wise decisions and good deeds. It is destroyed if his daughter or his sister is sexually defiled. This can happen if she loses her virginity before she's married, or if she engages in sexual intercourse outside of marriage- This includes rape. Even the rumor that she may have had sex is reason enough to label her "defiled" lead to the loss of honor for her whole family.
A father who cannot control his daughters, a brother who cannot control his sisters is disgraced. he is bankrupt socially and even economically. His family is ruined. This girl will not fetch a bride-price, and neither will her sisters, or her cousins, because the mere suspicion of independent feeling and female action in their family taints them too. Such a man suffers a social death, exclusion from the mutual assistance and respect of the clan, the worst possible fate that could befall a person, whether child or adult, male or female.
Controlling women's sexuality and limiting men's access to sex with women are the central focus of the code of honor and shame" Pg 152-153: NOMAD by Ayaan Hirsi Ali
While the above is an extreme based on the thinking, from the medieval era. Snippets of this is still expressed today in the secular world by men when they see a woman dating outside her race because it appears that a Woman's sexuality is tied to their honor. Within a woman's loins lies the honor of my kinship, the men seem to be saying. Looks like so much of a man's existence depends on the woman, one way or the other. One would then infer, that every woman should be treated like a queen, and governments of all nations, should have policies in place so the girl child and women succeed in life. For the downfall of the woman is the annihilation of a people
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