It's a Crime to Tell Boys Not to Cry

 

The first sound a baby makes to announce its arrival into the world is a "Cry" The "Cry" is an important physiological benefit as it helps expand the baby's lungs and expel amniotic fluid and mucus. Overall it signifies the baby's ability to breathe on its own. And lets everyone know the baby is alive.

Then the next few months it cries when its hungry, wet, uncomfortable, and needs sleep and as they become toddlers we start telling the boys

"Don't cry, you are a man"

"Men don't cry"

"You have to be strong, don't let anyone see your tears"

We start to groom them against a natural response that has been given to us for a reason. We teach them not to show all of their emotions. To stuff it all up, stack it caged in their guts. What a toxic way to raise men, who are expected to be life partners to our daughters. On the other hand, are encouraged to express their feelings. How unfair! Crying is one of our body's natural responses to intense emotions.

In so many cultures young boys are constantly taught not to express their emotions, even as toddlers when a boy cries, he can be ridiculed for crying and called names by loved ones. "Why are you crying? are you a girl?

"Stop crying like a girl?

This is a crime! and has a lasting impact on boys' mental health as they grow into men. Everyone tells them to suck it up and bottle their emotions. Nothing can be more unhealthy for their mental health. Some grow up and are able to manage their emotions, but many become emotionally handicapped in life and relationships.  

Instead of seeing crying as a sign of weakness in boys/and men, it should be seen as a strength. An ability to be vulnerable and call out for help.

Boys should be allowed to cry, it is a great way to release pent-up emotions of despair, loss, anguish, joy, and excitement. And nature's way of making us let people around us know we need emotional support. It's a function to get care and comfort from others. And create a social network of support as designed by nature.

 There is nothing like a good cry, it does not make you less of a man. Especially in a patriarchal society where so much decision-making falls on the shoulders of men, and the world expects them to be strong all the time. But no one can be strong all of the time, and it is detrimental to our boys. 

Our world is distorted in many ways. No one gender should be burdened with everything. For humans to succeed, activities should be determined by who naturally is better at something, not by their gender. Understandably based on nature men are better at some things than women, and women are better at other things than men because of their biological composition. But a good cry should not be exclusive to one gender.

There are so many benefits to crying and we should not deny our male folks this natural therapy for dealing with life's stress and pressures.

• Research has shown that emotional tears contain stress hormones and toxins and a good cry can help flush these out of the body.
• Crying can self-soothe as it activates the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS). The PNS helps your body rest.
• Crying dulls pain by releasing oxytocin and endogenous opioids. These are endorphins, feel-good chemicals in the body that can ease both physical and emotional pain,
• Our mood is improved when we sob, sobbing lifts our spirits as we take many quick breaths of cool air. Breathing cool air helps regulate and even lowers the temperature of the brain which is more pleasurable to our body and mind
• It helps restore emotional balance, restoring emotional equilibrium when we experience a strong emotion, positive or negative.
• Crying can clear our noses as the tear duct are connected inside our noses, so when we cry, bacteria and irritants in our noses can be flushed out

If we allow boys to cry as children, they grow up knowing there is nothing shameful about asking for help and expressing emotions. And perhaps many men will feel better about being vulnerable, instead of trying to put up a brave face when they are dying inside. This will do their mental health a world of good.