LET'S TALK ABOUT SEX BABY!

 

"No woman gets an orgasm from shining the kitchen floor"- Betty Friedan

The mind is the most important in a relationship.

Great conversations are crucial.

Friendship should be the bedrock.

Genuine likeness, admiration,

 and mutual respect should be a constant.

Those are out of the way, let’s take on today’s agenda.

Women and Orgasm. Yup! The big O.

Sex is a taboo subject in many conservative cultures, yet nature can only propagate itself through copulation. Therefore, whether we like it or not, sex happens every second on our beautiful green earth. If you are not having it, someone somewhere is getting it. Sex is a necessary function of the body. And like food, we should be selective about who we put in our bodies. So it would be wise to get to know that hombre before you succumb to your estrogen-soaked loins. This is one half of the equation, the other half is you both should do a good job culminating in great sex!

Some schools of thought would say— Sex is a spiritual experience and should only be for married couples. Yes! some folks believe it's a sin if single people have sex  What a load of uptight talk.  Well, I don't think so. Others liken sex to an exchange of energies. We are all walking energies and you should be careful who you mix yours with. I think that's part of it, you should also genuinely like someone to become so intimate with them. No matter which school of belief you belong to, Sex is a good thing when shared between two consenting adults.

Physiologically, apart from hormones that trigger arousal, there are hormones that bathe us in the aftermath of great sex. Hormones, which are healthy and essential for our physical, psychological, and mental wellbeing. The love Hormone—Oxytocin plays a huge part in our sexual encounters from arousal to coitus, after sex, and continues if pregnancy happens until the birth of a new life.

We, therefore, do ourselves a great disservice by treating the subject of sex as off-limit. Sex is crucial to our survival on earth. Girls and boys must be taught about their bodies as soon as possible. I would say from age five or even as soon as they can talk. And the curriculum expanded as they grow. It should be a norm. No one ever talked to me about sex, or my body until I was twelve in biology class. Just the science of it, the social part was completely left out. And I can say the same for many in my generation. 

How are we then supposed to navigate the world of men? It is like sending a blind man to war without ammunition. The boys also do not get taught much if any at all. What a crazy world. Man has gone to the moon and space, currently trying out space tourism, yet basic matters at our front door necessary for harmony of the species are still not given the right attention. Writing about our failures on this subject will take a thousand pages. 

Okay, let's do a deep dive. What is women’s part in sexual relationships? believe it or not, there are many unsatisfied women on planet earth. Women around the world faking Orgasms to soothe the ego of their men. And there is no one to blame but the women themselves. Women, generally know how to ask for everything from men, but how they like to be touched. Of course, I generalize, but you get what I mean.  

Why is this? because we have been conditioned when it comes to sex, to act coy, suck it up (no pun intended), so, we suck it up, and get on with our lives. Forbidden to enjoy the spoils of sexual encounters. I cannot even begin to write on how many ways, culture, and society have done this, especially in African communities: from female genital mutilation in parts of the world to Victorian-era puritanism.

I remember when the trilogy “Fifty Shades of Grey” made its debut, women read that book like it was a new version of a holy book. It was a #1 bestseller. While I think some were merely curious about BDSM, many were more interested in its vanilla sex version. I had all three books and enjoyed most parts as did my girlfriends and the women in my book club. In fact, the book was made into a movie, although reading the book was better. As are many books when made into movies. I did not enjoy the movie like I did the book.

So, what made the book a best-seller among women. I'll tell you what I think— the leading man's laser focus attitude to please his love interest—Anastasia Steele. For him, it was a pleasure and a duty. And that is what most women really want between the sheets. "A man who aims to please" and will do anything to achieve that goal. I have girlfriends who snicker about ex-husbands’ inabilities in bed. I'm often shocked and question, "How did you all stay together all those years? Besides sexual intercourse is not a one-man show. You are an active participant too. And must tell the man what you like and don’t like. Otherwise, what’s the point? Bad sex is worse than no sex. You might as well have a great time with Max and Hakeem— the vibrators.

In a recent interview with DJ Envy (A popular New York DJ and voice on the radio show— The Breakfast Club, his wife, Gia confessed to faking orgasms for 10 years in their 20-year-old marriage. Can you imagine that? For half of their marriage, she had a crappy sex life! Fortunately, she did not go searching for fulfillment elsewhere. There are women who would try with another. Was it Envy's fault? Not exactly, Gina was part of the problem. She never told him what she liked, so, the poor man was doing a guessing game, especially since men are not blessed with good intuition. And are not mind-readers. Fortunately, Gina admitted she did not even know her own body and did not have a clue about what she liked.

To be able to tell your partner what you like, you must know your body. To know your body, you must love your body, to love your body, you must love yourself. Do you see where I’m heading? Sex is not just a physical act; it is an act that involves the brain. To get the best from it you must be in a good headspace, especially for committed partners, and married couples. Otherwise, the sex is only going to be mediocre, humdrum, and boring. Especially after the honeymoon phase of the relationship and the early fires have burned out. And mediocre has a way of taking out all the fun, that you start to avoid being a participant.

One of my favorite actresses Gabi (Gabrielle Union) once told women not to be afraid to demand what they want in bed. The guy wants fellatio, and you love Australian kiss— cunnilingus, or like we sometimes call it "A Southern dish" be sure to let him know. Your duty is not just to please the man but to get your fair share of pleasure. Don't be coy about it. You deserve it.

On a recent girls' trip, my friends and I were talking about the benefits of being with a younger man, and trust me, a few of them did not like it, because they married men at least a decade older.. Look it's not like the old boys cannot do a good job, rather is that by the time many women become sexually expressive because of our oppressive culture, the men are too old to learn new tricks. But if you have a younger partner, you are better matched. I'm talking about Gen X here, (Those born between 1965 to 1980) Look at Gabi and Dwayne Wade for example,

So I and my big mouth said, I don't remember when last I was with a man my age, I let him be at least five years younger. It works for me. I think more women should try it. Men have been doing it for centuries. Women are always late to the game. It is the perfect fit.

But, more women need to explore their bodies and get to know themselves more than anyone, then they can tell the man what works for them. Enjoy the delights and sexual meanderings during lovemaking, but the finish line is also important. I once asked a lover a question that perplexed him at the time. "Have you heard of the skin? I asked. He thought it was an odd question. Some men forget the skin is the largest organ in the body and every square inch has 1,000 nerve endings. Caress. Caress. Caress, and he ended up giving me the massage of a lifetime. Caresses are so underrated. The power of touch is everything. 

Last week, I was listening to Angela Yee's lipservice podcast, and most of the women admitted they often reach orgasm when they are on top of their partner. Aha! is it a coincidence? absolutely not, the reason is that, in that position, the clitoris takes the center stage. Yup! one vital spot many men miss when they keep on with their thrusts, the queen herself—The clitoris. 

The clitoris, or the "little hill" as it's called in Greek. But this my friends is not so little, in the kind of pleasure it gives to most women. it is the Grand Central station of erotic sensation. A man can thrust for an hour and still not give a woman an orgasm if the clitoris is left out of the play. If you do not stimulate the clitoris, dude, you are wasting time. A friend told me all her husband does is thrust in and out and in the end, an orgasm is nowhere in sight. She leaves the bed unsatisfied and goes to the bathroom and takes care of the grand dame herself —The clitoris. Why don't you tell him, you don't orgasm from all his thrusts, poor guy, thinks he is hitting it out the ballpark, yet. Her response was, that she did not want to bruise his ego. And this has been going on for over twenty years. Yup! you heard right.

A wise man once said  "We rehearse for the big death through the little death of orgasm, through erotic living" This is hoping all women experience more Orgasms. There are enough Orgasms in this world for everyone, don't leave this world without them. And if you can't find the man to give them to you, get Max and Hakeem—The Womanizers 😉😉😂😂