THE TRAUMA OF ANXIETY

Nafplion, Argolis, Greece

"Empathy without boundaries is self-destruction"

My body is broken

From anxiety

Anxiety that I refuse to confess

But it's lived in my soul

Since I was a 10.

And conditioned that

I was responsible

for everyone.

My face is broken

beaten up

by a fearful anxiety

The anxiety I hide

From the world

'Cos I never learned 

to ask for help

and no one cared

to help me.

You came here first

So, you are the right lamb

For the sacrifice

Listening to my voice, 

I now recognize

It's drowned in anxiety

from the burdens

I was conditioned to bear

I spoke to my therapist today

She is in awe

How I have coped

How I laugh and continue

to dance and bubble,

over with positive energy

I looked into her eyes

and whispered

The culture instilled it

And conditioned my soul

I saw my father do it

although I'm female

I bear the title "Ada"

It is the title of the sacrificial lamb.

But words saved me

Writing helped me

That's why I never sought a therapist

Before now

I was saved by the letters.

and travel

Travel

So, I wander 

across continents

countries

and cities

because it gives me respite

and peace

To go where no one knows me

And none have expectations of me

The therapist said she heard it

In my voice, the first time 

we spoke on the phone

A voice drowned in anxiety

A voice constantly in muffled tones

I laughed

'Cos I did not even know it myself

I have been conditioned to bear it

Now I can let go

And be free

Free, from all the expectations

of family and foe

Freedom has been mine

Since I drowned their 

expectations at sea.

Now I'm home.

Free at last.